“I want to get his attention, only his attention. I want him to look
at me, hear me, think about me and always talk about me. I want
his last words before sleeping to be my name, and in the morning
his first words to be my name too. He would love me so much that
I would define myself in him as crazy and calm. I would be lost,
then found and lost again. I would know my deep and my shallow.
He would recognize me in a million people, distinguish me easily.
Only he would hold my hand. He would be only mine. I would give
him every song and my scent would stay on him. I would see him
falling and rising from my love. When he is exhausted, I would
crown his exhaustion with my love. He would burn with the fire of
love and I would bring him water, but not to extinguish the fire. I
would not want his fire to die.
Lara hadn’t told anybody why she left her master’s unfinished
and went to the U.S.A. She also told no one why she didn’t work
with Taner anymore. She was not able to carry on living in the
same city as the married guy whom she loved. Taner was married
to Eylül already, and Lara was married to a season of sorrow.
When Taner entered his room he saw a white envelope next to
his black leather notebook. There was no name on it. He immediately
tore it and skimmed through it.
When love first came, it wasn’t playing drums in the street of
heart. First, it seemed as a wounded gazelle or a small child who has
lost everything in an earthquake. It stood in the corner in such a naive
way. If nobody touched it, maybe sorrow would have left it there.
Love begins when you notice it. When there is something and that
something is right, the naive child whines. The more you feed that
child, the more he become a part of you. When love wants to leave,
you give everything not to let it go. It is you who is naive, not love. It
is love who stays, but you have already left the place.