Alcatraz: Meeting Oneself
Cihan was going to a meeting with his own reality. He was in a hurry and anxious. He had given himself a time, facing up to all the time he hadn’t given. He didn’t know what would have happened to him by the end of the day; all he wanted was the day to end. Every day of his life had ended, so this day would eventually end too. He was accounting for the time he had wasted every other day. He had been waiting for today on the train of missing tomorrows, but all tomorrows become today.
He was going to the place where he would become himself. He was going to meet with his soul as his heart had called him and given him one last chance.
“You have to come alone.”
His heart had added this as he always brought somebody with him. Arrogance, jealousy, selfishness were all following him. Cihan was also fed up with them, so he would go alone, determined to rescue himself from himself.
Cihan was climbing a hill with a black bag in his hand. In this bag were his loved ones, ones he didn’t love, his dreams and his desires.
His heart called him again and said: “Don’t bring anyone with you, and don’t call the police. You must come alone. Only you. Got it?”
“Okay, I will, but where?”
“You just walk, the road or the sea will show itself to you.”
“What will the road show me?”
He was walking blindly. He wanted to stop at the start, but walking held his hand and told him to move on. It was his last chance.
He felt cold, sweaty, ashamed. He sat, stood up. It wasn’t easy to become a human. The part of him which was afraid of death wasn’t actually scared of his dead parts. He ignored that part. It was like committing a murder. For those who destroyed their souls, death was deserved.
Cihan became more and more human with every step he took inside himself. Instead of becoming many other things, he again became himself. Not a tree, bird, stone or building, simply a human. He should have left his relentlessness long ago; he had been acting without thinking. He was an ordinary man of ordinary things, so he picked up everything he had and walked to become human.